Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
