Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize