My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
