I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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