so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
