Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
