it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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