DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Life is so much better after having sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
