im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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