a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
