On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
