apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
