I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
