textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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