So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
