woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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