i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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