Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it glows. i had to have it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
