dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
