I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
