i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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