I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
