Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
