I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
