gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
