now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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