So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
