Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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