If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
