this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
