Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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