I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i barfeds in our rink
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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