just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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