i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
