When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
