ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
