I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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