his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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