high people should be assigned attendants
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
