I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize