just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
