I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
