Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
