Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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