some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
