Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
