with your own penis?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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