five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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