As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
