Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
