Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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