Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need water and some morals
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So. Much. Porn.
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