dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
