before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
