I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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